


The moth burns for love of the flame.

by deliciouslemon



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M, POV Second Person, aka killua go to gay baby jail, and yet i wrote this in a mcdonalds, level of romantic whatever is basically the same as is in canon, this is. so pretentious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-29 17:05:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19404499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deliciouslemon/pseuds/deliciouslemon
Summary: You are Killua Zoldyck, you are twelve years old, and you were born to be a killer. And then that spark of light enters your life.(Introspective something or other that I wrote while overwhelmed with emotions after finishing the anime yet again. 2nd person.)





	The moth burns for love of the flame.

When you’ve lived your life in the darkness, light is strange and unknowable and baffling. 

So you don’t understand the gleam and what it means the first time you catch a glimpse of it, you just know it’s different and _new_ and you want to see where this goes. 

(You’re dimly aware in the back of your mind that this isn’t your first time seeing light, not by a long shot, but it’s been a long time and there’s a haziness in your head that makes it hard to clearly picture what it had looked like.)

It’s common sense that darkness should shrink back from light, and a thought crosses your mind that maybe the reason you’re fascinated rather than repelled is because you aren’t darkness itself, merely a creature that lives in its thrall. And then the light doesn’t shrink back from you either, even with the blood you are drenched in, and maybe you’re not two polar opposites whose very coexistence should be impossible, maybe you really are just two young boys enjoying each other’s company. Maybe you’ve been letting your mind run a bit too wild with the metaphors. 

But still, there’s something about him that draws you to him and a thought occurs to you for the first time: maybe you don’t want to live in the darkness forever. 

There’s a second, more dangerous thought that follows. _And maybe I don’t have to._

And when the tendrils of darkness reach out to pull you back, back far from his brightness and into the black once more, hissing that _you don’t deserve the light you never did_ , you’re not really surprised. Of course it was just a pipe dream. 

But then, back in the darkness you’ve resigned yourself to someone says it- _his name_ \- and even just that is a gleaming spark. 

He’s coming for you. He, the very incarnation of light itself, is willing to wade right into the heart of the darkness to get you out. To get you _back_. 

He doesn’t make it all the way to the heart, for you run to meet him halfway, guided by that brilliance. And he takes you by the hand, and calls you forth from the darkness that was your life, and you step into the light.

He’s dazzling, so dazzling, that even now with the blood covering your hands plainly visible in the light of day, you can’t bring yourself to care. He’s wonderful, he’s brilliant, he’s _everything_ , and when you offer him your heart he takes it like it’s only obvious it should belong to him and it makes you want to cry that he could look at your twisted, damaged heart and want it anyway. 

Your heart in his hands, he starts to prod at it, poke at it, and realises it’s really quite sturdy. And when he starts to squeeze it he does so safe in this knowledge, trusting you to be able to withstand it. And you can. You’re strong, you haven’t survived a life in darkness for nothing. Your heart, strong as it is, has much to offer him, and he accepts it all gladly.

And you know, even as he clutches at your heart such that it really does hurt now, that all this and more is worth it, so worth it, just to hear your name spill from his lips. Because he needs you, wants _you_ , and what your heart has to offer. Because no matter how much blood is on your hands, sometimes all it takes is just one person. Just one person to call your name, and you can be saved. 

When the first hints of darkness start to cloud his eyes you know you would give anything to clear that stain, and are happy when he wrings your heart dry. 

But still, it’s not enough, and you want to give him more even as your heart is squeezed to its limit. Want to reach inside yourself and scoop out your lungs and your bones and your guts and offer those to him as well. But he doesn’t want it, doesn’t want you and pulls away from you, and you realise suddenly you don’t know where all his light has gone. 

And then, in a fit of rage. He lifts your heart, still held in his hands despite there being nothing left for him to take from it, he lifts your heart high above his head and -

\- dashes it on the ground. 

Once everything is over and he realises what he’s done, he’s horrified, of course he is, but it’s too late. 

What’s done cannot be undone.

It’s not because you hate him now that you have to leave. Far from it, you love him still, love him _so much_ still it terrifies you, and that’s why you have to go. Your life is more than just his now, and you’re going to make sure it stays that way. Because if you let him- and if _he_ lets _you_ \- there’s no doubt in your mind that you'd do it all over again. 

The shattered pieces of your heart ache as the two of you part, but you tell yourself this doesn’t have to be the end. Maybe one day when your heart is repaired and whole, and you can trust yourself not to immediately thrust it back into his hands with no care for the consequences, maybe you’ll let him hold it again. But this time, only to hold. Not to have, not to use, and not to own. 

Not now. You’re not strong enough. 

But maybe one day.

**Author's Note:**

> yea i finished watching the anime for the billionth time last night and then did not sleep at all bc i was so Emotionally Overwrought by everything so i am a little sleep deprived right now. and then today i was in a maccas trying to enjoy my fries and my life and suddenly i was typing this up on my phone.
> 
> thanks for reading lmao. im so sad.


End file.
